You Know Who You Are (Jealousy) (parts I - V) (poem)

I

Let me tell you a story about jealousy:
An emotion once all too dear to me,
Never subject to courtesy --
All of this is now all to clear to me.

Recollected from the past
As I grew into the future:
I can say these things now
Thanks to this most recent suture.

II

Jealousy is an indicator
Both of the relationship and the person.
(I admit this from the start --
Only a fool lies in his art.)

That curious feeling that love
Is possession is to blame --
Ironic, as binding is the antithesis
Of that once-liberating synthesis.

'You are mine,' cries the fresh-face
And enthusiastic lover --
'And I am yours.' If only
Here, we could pause --

And reflect on the promises made:
We're together -- but we must physically
Part -- what then? Here tenuous
Trust takes a toll all too strenuous.

III

That hot potato in your hand,
A metal-plastic casing with
Circuitboards, becomes a risk --
A heart-break hard-disk.

It's all too easy to ask
'Where are you -- who are you with?'
And it's all too easy not
To spend a lifetime replying to such rot.

Fear creeps in, seeping in the cracks
Where trust should be. Can
You guess? This relationship
Isn't meant to be. I call it R.I.P.

IV

But such powerful words weren't
Always at my disposal --
I had to earn that knowledge
Before my last, and final, proposal.

There were times when I needn't
Have worried -- and times
When I was right to.

Infidelity is a staggering thing --
The obvious weakness, the
Simplest way to turn the strong
To weak -- and your rights to wronged.

I've felt it once
And I'll never forget it --
I lost a lot for a long time
--

Silence was an outcome --
I lost my grasp on myself --
I lost friends, I lost respect.
All the things you might expect.

No confidence in sight,
No escape plan --
A lifetime of dreams
Torn apart at the seams.

Nothing clever to say
And no lust for life.
Is it any wonder I withdrew?
If I couldn't face myself, how could I face you?

Walking around with a weight
To drag -- call my Sisyphus.
Not to mention I stayed
(Nonsensical.)
For eighteen months.
(In-fucking-comprehensible.)

I can write this now with a smile
And a flash in my eyes --
But at the time, I was lost.
I'm okay, now, because I earned, then repaid, the cost.

V

So my warning to you? Don't mess with a bitch.
Regardless the gender, if you tolerate
People with attributes you hate,
Who else is to blame when you're left in that
fucked-up state?