Luke Labern

Drop Everything and Write.

* * *

Hiding inside, masked by the shadows of your former self.
Someone loved you once; who’s to say you’ll be loved again?
If only it was a simple progression. No ups and downs,
Just straight lines and answers; why cycles, smiles, frowns?
People like to splash money, like the sky drops rain:
Affection is a currency: now I’m all out of wealth.

When is giving up the right way out?
Everything poured in, every thought distilled.
Incredible feelings, I thought we were close…
When your spirit is filled and you’re over your lows,
I’m wondering where justice is. I’m filled
With questions: only whispering when I need to shout.

Don’t you know this situation will always repeat?
There’s always love at first sight,
But what about things too good to be true?
These feelings are ancient but feel fresh and anew:
Something inside you, always thinking there might
Be a chance: but should I succumb to defeat?

Do you know how happy you made me?
I was weak and distraught; in short a mess.
Revitalisation you did spread –
That’s why I’m clinging on to what was said.
More alone than I knew, no chance to caress –
It might be over now but I’m glad we came to be.

Now I’m thinking, what does he have that I don’t?
Heritage and culture, I believe that’s a reason.
He’s older than me, though I’ve age beyond my years;
I never forget what passes by my ears.
The way I felt, it defined the season…
Dreams I wish would exist, when they simply won’t.

An inner smile, we fight for it always.
A decade can pass, spent in lonely hallways.
The only child runs loops inside his brain
Never moving a muscle, and he thinks he’s insane.
I’ve searched for peace in so many places,
But all I’ve found are tear-stained faces.

That was true until you made your impression
On me. So precious; I’ve found my muse.
Your eyes are blue, just like my own:
A search for someone like you is all I’ve ever known.
Now that I’ve found you, I feel love’s confidence infuse
And instill quiet awe in me; this is my confession.

No doubt there’s trouble ahead; there always is.
Competition, where another thinks you’re his.
You’re the world’s, unique, sweet and sublime:
My years of life and wisdom, leading to a dramatic time…
For I’ll never give up; you’re worth defending –
I’ll do whatever it takes for our happy ending.

Chastizing words, ice-cold delivery –
You felt confident; but can you live with me?
Hypocrisy falls like acid rain, dissociating sense
From reality. You antagonised — do you have a defence?
You can joke and make light of the scene,
But will you cower when faced with the obscene
Nature of a man pushed past his limit?
Our meeting’s inevitable: will you submit?
Will you back up your words? Are you a man?
Many people have tried, but eventually ran
Away from me. I don’t want what you’ve got,
I don’t want to be friends. Take the first shot.
It’s the only one you’ll ever land.
I’ll tear your persona asunder, until you’re nought but sand,
Grains fading into the wind, sprinkling over my palm.
If you get a cold shiver, remember: I’m still calm.
Why try to inflame me through fences and chains?
That’s just a shock, whereas I’ll run through the mains –
Distribute a thousand volt punch:
You’ll be knocked out before it’s time for brunch.

These are the pecs; wide spreading fans.
This is my blood, from my heart to my hands.
These are my triceps, three-headed and strong –
These are my bones, some short and some long.

Inside sits my brain, wherein lies my mind.
It can feel, it can plan — and it can hurt.
Take a look inside, it’s so unique. You may just find
A complex network, of neurones — from where I blurt

The truth: my biceps curl to lift my wrists –
My forearms tense, now I’ve prepared fists.
These are my eyes; from where I see all:
Civilisation growing, evil breeding — only to fall

By a select few. Those of us who are aware.
Take a further glance, through celebrity and fame –
The ground you walk on; nature. Just because I care
About extinction, doesn’t mean I won’t forget to blame

Him. Man. The machine whose lethal force
Is incredible, even if he doesn’t know its course.
These are my quadriceps, which walk through strife:
For I am a man, a machine, protector and destroyer of life.

Sun-kissed awakening, a tingle runs up my spine,
Everything seems better now, even the mirror smiles
Back, when I question my features for a sign.
What’s to come, who’s on my side, what trials
Lay still and wait, to shock and pierce?
It doesn’t matter, now life’s thrilling, bright.
What’s gonna bring me down? Some think they’re fierce,
I guarantee they’re not; look harder, for your sight
Is muddy. Do you want to scrap to impress?
I’ll show you special: open your mind,
Think psychedelic, think funk philosophy — the mess
You call your love-life, it needs help — of the kind
I provide. You can walk a million times
Around the world, looking for perfection.
Thrills you might find, level to many crimes –
But happiness without — joy from reflection;
I find it essential. When times are hard, when you fall ill –
Stare at the shining surface, and insist you smile still.

I am not the man you want to upset.
This is not the girl I loved when I first met.
Taking things to heart, it’s what I excel in –
You play on my weaknesses; what’re you trying to win?

I’m done with crying, I’m sure you are too.
So why inflame? Why aggravate?
I’ll whisper this: I don’t like the new …
Twisting and turning, making boys salivate.

Keep your sailor’s mouth to yourself:
I’m trying to stay focused, continue with good health.
You’re smiling but still weeping: crying
Out with your drunkeness: it’s clear you’re still trying.

Trying to overcompensate for the gap
Where a boy used to be. He’s a man now
Who sees his scars and how you sap
His patience: misery within I’ll no longer allow.

Some people believe they’re born a saint:
I won’t ever let you forget I know it’s a feint.

Tired. I’m tired. People always saying “the recession,
That’s why you need to pay respect”. It’s their obsession.
You tired? Me too. Summertime now, all I wanna do
Is relax, sip pear cider, get a tan — how about you?
Public houses, they’re closing down — and why?
Recession. I say fuck it, don’t let economists pry
Into your free time. Buy booze in bulk,
Let’s collate our dosh — they say teenagers sulk;
I say, we’re tired of your generation: back off.
Now let’s just dance — and laugh… look at that toff!
Suit, shirt, ties and loafers: how about skinny dipping
After lightin’ a fat one, when you’re tripping?
Yeah, this summer you’ll see: these poems change
Day to day, I’ll address whatever. It’s well known my range
Can encompass these summer songs to addiction;
I do it so you don’t have to, ’cause I can handle affliction.
All I wanna do is break through, get recognised –
It’s hard, you know. Sometimes I feel miniaturised.
Smiles are what this sunshine’s all about,
No need for tears, broken hearts or pouts:
Let’s enjoy one last summer together: love, laugh and shout.

I

It’s time to crawl inside, to look and find
The pieces, shattered and split. You know my mind
Is constantly ticking. The clock’s hands are broken,
I’m trapped in the moment, memories merely a token.

Stuck in a glass cage, all I see are my mistakes.
Everything I did wrong, every slip – there are no second takes,
I think I finally get it: I still feel affection,
But you stare right through me, no more connection.

It’s hard to describe it: every brush of this pen
Is a metaphysical kiss; for you. Why is it “the end”,
When I’m not the worst person alive? Where do I
Go now? Is there a more apt expression than a sigh?

Lying in bed, where we used to be –
Joined only be tears, I look but I can’t see
You. Your scent has faded, it’s so hard to bare,
When I realise I’m awake, it’s no nightmare.

II

Remember when we were friends?
I said a look from you sends
Chills down my spine. I had it and lost it.
I admit, if life was a game I’d already have quit.

But life doesn’t stop, never speaks,
It’s merely a structure divided into weeks,
In which we always move ahead:
Without you I wish I … Instead,

I take stock of what’s around me:
Foolishly I acted, but now you’re free.
My guilt rests squarely on my shoulders;
I fix my mood as if poems were solders.

Do I seem weak, when you read these lines?
Humans are never one thing. We all display signs
And this is mine, to let you know I’m trying to cope:
For what would be, if we were without hope?

III

Why am I always back and forth?
As if I’m a broken compass: first south and then north,
Always searching for something. Then I realise
That it’s all inside, when I look in your eyes.

Now I’ll tell the truth: I’m used to be alone.
An only child, my imagination’s company is all I’ve known:
So I try to adjust, make myself appear loud,
When most days I’d rather disappear in the crowd.

Perhaps it’s unoriginal to bring up the past.
Though if we don’t remember, life ends so fast,
That the time has come, and there’s no going back.
If life was a railway, I’d have come off the track.

One last time, I shall say it again:
I am not perfect, not ten out of ten –
You were wronged; that was my fault.
But when you say I never loved you… That’s salt

IV

That stings this open wound called love.
If there was a time machine, I’d simply shove
Myself into adoption: so you never had to meet
Me, and I never had the change to your heart beat.

I do not self-depreciate
To feel better – please appreciate:
I’m genuinely affected,
I wish our love could be corrected.

You tell me to move on, to try and forget –
But what can I do, when I’m filled with regret?
I think of you for so many a reason –
Always my best friend, no matter circumstance or season.

I know you don’t like this spotlight,
That’s why I don’t name you. Out of sight,
Like the thoughts in my head.
All you can remember are the things that I’ve said.

V

Consider this part the breakdown,
Something solid to stand out alone, much like a noun –
I know poetry is not as accessible as sound;
Consider these lyrics, that hang around

Your head, for days and days. We’ve explored
Heartbreak; so now I implore
You to read between the lines here,
And see wherever pain is, joy is always near.

For if it was not for tragedy and death,
What would we live for, what’d make up a breath?
Stand strong like a soldier, withstand it all –
It’s simply to pleasant to get up after a fall.

This is what drives me, the need to be better –
If weakness was arid, I’d try to get wetter:
Whether cuts, bruises, blunt trauma or blackmail…
Heartbreak is an ocean, I’m the boat and strength is my sail.